Wake up, think “I can’t wait til I’m back in bed later
today.”
Leave your home, think “I just want to be at work. I wish I could just teleport
myself there.”
Get to work, think “I can’t wait for lunch.”
Get to lunch, wonder what you’re going to have for dinner.
Get to the end of the day and think “Can’t wait for the weekend.”
Wish for vacation and once you’re there, think about everything you’re going to
have to do once you get back.
We wish for the day to be over.
This week to be over.
This month to just end.
Next year to come.
When I got engaged a few months ago, I failed to immediately envision my perfect wedding (to the disappointment of many).
Within days, we were asked whether we had a date yet. The answer was no and continued to be no for a few stressful months. I didn't know what kind of dress I wanted right away and I sure as hell didn't have a color scheme (orange/grey? aqua/tangerine? what about hot pink and yellow?!). I have friends who have been thinking about their big day for years. They are ready for it. Me, I'm beginning to have a clue. And the thing is, I am really excited to be married. But I have realized that the more interesting thing about all of this is understanding what marriage really means to me and how it changes my relationship with Gerry.
Even though it's after 10pm and I'm full of fried chicken, I am also energized and hopeful. This is always how I feel after a Swirl dinner and I get to talk to others who similarly want to be honest about the flaws in our society, and think about positive ways to confront them. And this is not about getting together to pat ourselves on the back for knowing better. We acknowledge our own shortcomings and biases too. And our own inabilities - at times - to confront the very things that we also question.
In the past couple of years, I have noticed a certain complacency that I never noticed before, in my eleven years of leading Swirl. The same passion and the same excitement around building multiracial communities had faded a bit. In the one year leading up to the Presidential election, we launched five new chapters (the norm had been a chapter every year or every other year). People were excited by the energy created by Obama's campaign, and they were motivated and eager to be a part of creating supportive and inclusive multiracial communities.
One of my heroes passed away yesterday - Derrick Bell, a law professor and civil rights advocate. Years ago, when I read and resonated with his book, Ethical Ambition, I wrote him a note to thank him. I felt inspired by his choices and his courage to stand up for what he believed in, even when personally risky. I didn't necessarily think that I would hear back, but it was important for me to let him know the impact his writing had on me.
I just finished reading an interesting book by Scott Belsky that helped me to re-think the ways in which I work. I definitely recommend it if you like to reflect on your own systems.
How often do we truly feel seen by others? A part of a community that will hold us in the good times and the bad? I have been reflecting on how rare that feeling has been for me - of true love and acceptance from a community.
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