It starts with a busting out sort of feeling
Like drinking from a water hose and finally turning away
Taking in in in until I need to let out
I bust out and I walk so fast I’m almost running
Straight to the woods between my apartment and the water
I had never been there before the quarantine
No reason. Too busy. Distracted.
I am writing this to all my White folks out there.
I have started this post a couple of times over. I feel angry and I’m typing loudly and my hands are shaking. And my thoughts are all over the place. And my heart is beating hard. And I’ve asked my 6-year old to keep herself busy for another hour today. And I really need to go to the bathroom but I am holding on that because I want to say this to you. And normally I would tell myself to come back when I am calmer and so that you can hear me, but I am going to say all of this now. There is nothing wrong with what my body is telling me, feeling, or calling me to do. All of what I feel is justified and has a place.
Continue reading "White managers/leaders: Please check in with YOURSELF. " »
I went for a walk under the dark skies. It’s cool tonight in New York City and I couldn’t wait for the crisp air. I have felt hot all day. I have been inside all day.
<< feeling a lot of feels turns my nose red
An inventory of my actions tonight with and for Lucia, my almost four year old:
Before the news of Harvey Weinstein broke, a skeleton dog showed up in the lobby of our building. It stood waiting by the door to scare those who entered and those who left. It looked like it was mid-attack with a mean snarl across its face. My daughter Lucia, now 3 and a half immediately noticed this dog as it stood eye to eye with her as we came home one night. It was accompanied by a fake severed hand and ghouls dancing from the ceiling in preparation for Halloween. The wonderful super of our building puts a lot of time and attention into making the building festive. This was the first year this dog showed up.
I just came across this piece from my journal and thought that it would be good to dust off in light of the Women's March this Saturday. It's sort of amazing to feel the energy and activism that seems to be rising up from all corners lately.
For the last eight months, I've been planning. Getting the nest ready. Reading up (as I do). Largely excited with a tiny bit of natural anxiety mixed in. Friends and colleagues (and of course the daily strangers) have remarked about how well I am doing. How happy I seem. I am.
I'm starting to feel the kicks of our baby. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and somehow half-way there already. It happened overnight! On the other hand, the first week of knowing that I was starting to grow a fetus seemed to last forever because I was bursting at the seams. So happy I had to tell family. I didn't want to wait the traditional three months. I couldn't. Something so happy had to be shared immediately. And if god forbid anything happened, I would need my people to know. To be able to hold me up.
It started with the reading I went to tonight. The author was engaging, reflective, honest and humble. Funny too. He talked about his process of writing, the mistakes he's made, and ranted a bit at the end about technology (prompted by an audience question). He shared my same thinking - that it's a wonderful tool but that it is taking us away from each other in many ways. Glowing screens at the dinner table take the place of meaningful discussion. iPhones become pacifiers for babies. First dates take texting breaks in between dinner and dessert. This is the new norm. Many of us struggle to be present because of the beeps and the constant wondering about what might be happening in one's inbox, one's Facebook wall, one's Twitter or Instagram feed. It's endless. If you let it be.
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