Wedding wondering...

When I got engaged a few months ago, I failed to immediately envision my perfect wedding (to the disappointment of many).

Within days, we were asked whether we had a date yet. The answer was no and continued to be no for a few stressful months. I didn't know what kind of dress I wanted right away and I sure as hell didn't have a color scheme (orange/grey? aqua/tangerine? what about hot pink and yellow?!). I have friends who have been thinking about their big day for years. They are ready for it. Me, I'm beginning to have a clue. And the thing is, I am really excited to be married. But I have realized that the more interesting thing about all of this is understanding what marriage really means to me and how it changes my relationship with Gerry. 

At first, I couldn't really get into planning. It didn't feel like me. I soon realized that I was sort of acting out what I had seen others do: Put wedding boards together on Pinterest and scour other people's pins for hours at a time. Surround myself with a mountain of wedding magazines as often as possible. Make lists and then more lists. Spend hours on theknot.com. I tried it all. And then I realized what wedding planning looked like to me...

- Talking with friends about how things will change. Reflecting on the continual balancing act of making sure I spend enough time on "me" and not just on "us." 
- Discussing with Gerry our plans for family, careers, and life.
- Making sure that I told all of our closest friends and family about this step...very careful not to allow a Facebook leak until that happened. Wanting to communicate directly to those whom we care about and those who care about us.
- Building a celebration that feels authentic to us. Invites are going to those who know us well as a couple. Very few friends/family who have never met one half of us or who haven't spent real time with us as a couple will be there. One of my closest friends is officiating. I am making the invites. We want this to reflect us and what is true of our life together.
- Gerry and I are being thoughtful about the amount of time we spend on planning in proportion to the amount of time we are actually living our lives. In the moments I've let it take over every spare moment outside of work and on the weekends, I have not been happy.
- This is not an inexpensive endeavor. We are trying to spend where we really care about something and don't spend if we don't believe in it. It's crazy to see how much it costs to get married to your best friend. But it doesn't have to be out of control. I have had a couple of great new friends talk to me about how they made their weddings meaningful without being over the top. 

It's been interesting to realize what is important to me through this process. I have seen friends and family react very differently to wedding planning and I don't judge anyone who really gets into centerpieces. It's just not what I find myself wanting to spend a ton of time thinking about.

I am excited for our wedding and I know that by the time I get there I will have spent hours meditating on the meaning of marriage and envisioning all of the amazing people who will be there. People who have helped me to get to where I am today. People who have encouraged my growth, people who have become a part of my life through meeting Gerry (including his wonderful family!), and people who have been made happy by the fact that I have found someone wonderful with whom to share the rest of my life. 

Comments

[Dena Levine]

Just read this, and wanted to wish you a Mazel Tov on your engagement!! I'm sure your wedding will be the wedding of your dreams. Thank you for being a part of our wedding and making our day meaningful. I'm not sure we ever properly thanked you! Love your blog - and hope you are doing well! xoxoxo Dena